it got better..

I remember, I would be utterly obsessive about the girl and alex. I would find enjoyment, no not enjoyment.. but satisfaction and curiousity, enough of both to drive by their homes. almost on a nightly basis. If i'm in the area, I would just make a small detour and drive by. I didn't see what good would it bring me, it wouldn't have solved anything or bring me back to where I wanted to be. But everynight, I'd still drive around.


time heals all wounds. and as much as I would like to say I'm over alex, I'm not.. but I can proudly say that I've grown. no longer do I make the detours, i dont think about it when I'm in the area..It rarely crosses my mind.


I reread our own conversations, yes.. it was incredibly painful. the most pain I've ever felt in my existance, but whats done is done. I can only move forward, because. .. like mum said.. the best way is to try to live better than him. without pain, I would always take love for granted.

you're ruining me, with secrets and gestures and looks.

you're breaking into my heart..


and I'm letting you.


... perhaps its called a crush because of this CRUSHING feeling you experience. you infiltrated me and ninja'd my heart. I don't know how long the process took but you've succeeded. you've managed to place me at the palm of your hand, at your every beck and call. not in my wildest imagination, would I have thought that I'd fall for you. And I'm falling hard. ..

I used to not care whether you showed up to events. and if you didn't.. it wouldn't affect me an ounce. but at this point..I cannot say the same. It bothers me when you're not there, it doesn't feel right. I've gotten so used to your touch, that I sneakily arrange to sit beside you, just so your leg will subtlely brush against mine or vice versa. I tell myself, I need to stay away.. getting any closer to you will just cause immense hurt. But like a moth to light, I can't peel myself away..you've been showing me so much affection, to the point where I'm craving for any small scraps of your pseudo 'care'. grow a backbone, p. stop being a jellyfish. don't be so soft. don't let him ruin everything you've worked hard for.

do you know you're ruining me? You are pushing me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. Please stop playing hot and cold with me, don't keep me at a distant and then tease and flirt with me. Don't leave me to spend time with family and then ask me if I would like to have dinner with your parents. Don't say 'I really want you to come" when you're just going to ignore me.

Do you realize how brittle my heart is, and how easily it can crack from all this heaviness? please treat it with care, you have to learn that although a woman's heart is hard to get into, once you do have it.. you have to handle with care.

it was difficult singing Lucky tonight. because i am in love like with one of my best friends. and the way you look at me.. sometimes it feels like Im all you see, and then there are days where you don't see me at all, you look past me as if I do not matter.

whats going on?