you're ruining me, with secrets and gestures and looks.

you're breaking into my heart..


and I'm letting you.


... perhaps its called a crush because of this CRUSHING feeling you experience. you infiltrated me and ninja'd my heart. I don't know how long the process took but you've succeeded. you've managed to place me at the palm of your hand, at your every beck and call. not in my wildest imagination, would I have thought that I'd fall for you. And I'm falling hard. ..

I used to not care whether you showed up to events. and if you didn't.. it wouldn't affect me an ounce. but at this point..I cannot say the same. It bothers me when you're not there, it doesn't feel right. I've gotten so used to your touch, that I sneakily arrange to sit beside you, just so your leg will subtlely brush against mine or vice versa. I tell myself, I need to stay away.. getting any closer to you will just cause immense hurt. But like a moth to light, I can't peel myself away..you've been showing me so much affection, to the point where I'm craving for any small scraps of your pseudo 'care'. grow a backbone, p. stop being a jellyfish. don't be so soft. don't let him ruin everything you've worked hard for.

do you know you're ruining me? You are pushing me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. Please stop playing hot and cold with me, don't keep me at a distant and then tease and flirt with me. Don't leave me to spend time with family and then ask me if I would like to have dinner with your parents. Don't say 'I really want you to come" when you're just going to ignore me.

Do you realize how brittle my heart is, and how easily it can crack from all this heaviness? please treat it with care, you have to learn that although a woman's heart is hard to get into, once you do have it.. you have to handle with care.

it was difficult singing Lucky tonight. because i am in love like with one of my best friends. and the way you look at me.. sometimes it feels like Im all you see, and then there are days where you don't see me at all, you look past me as if I do not matter.

whats going on?

c r u s h ' d

dont tell me you dont want to lead me on. when all youve been doing is leading me on.

don't let me be close to you, let me think you like me.. show me all this affection and then tell me we're just friends. because we are far from just friends. friends dont ask if im cold, and then grab me at the waist.. and leave your hand there. friends don't hold hands with each other, saying your hands are cold. dont stay home from snowboarding because im not going.. dont give me a damn massage in front of everyone if we're just friends.


friends shouldn't act like this. you lead me on.


friends have boundaries. dont subtlety touch me and act innocent about it. i can sense it..
i dont know what happened, what you said... what i did. but after baker trip i knew i liked you a tad bit.. and this ambiguousness is driving me insane.

don't offer to do things for me, dont offer to go delivering presents. stop being so nice. stop being so nice to me jeff. i dont deserve it. im only going to fall for you more, harder and faster.

please stop all this affectionate, boyfriend actions. please take care of my heart, it cant afford to be broken again. please stop caring. why cant you act more like jimmy and not care? stop showing me affection. as much as i need it, want it.. stop it


we were doing so good, for soo long.. i saw you as a friend.. just a friend. and laughed when people asked us if we're dating. for seven months, we were just that..'friends'. what did i do wrong? i let my guard down. every hour that we spend together.. i let abit of you in. until i fully let you crumble my walls and infiltrate me. you silently came and ninja'd my heart. and i gave you so much of myself, my time.. the countless late nights, the endless joyrides to nowhere. the silent nights where we'd just spend time with each other.. listening to music. talking..


when did this start? why am i feeling this way towards you? when did i start falling? please make it stop.


lets just go back to the point, where we were JUST FRIENDS. none of this ambiguous, blurred boundary.