let's jump on the vessel and fly through the memories.

best thing about photographs is that they don't change; even if the people in them do.


sitting beside the Boy, stuck in traffic.

He's talking [rambling] about work, usually I'd be into it. Interested and grabbing his every last word because He's living my ideal career.
but this day, I nod, smile and occasionally acknowledge with 'really hun? thats good!'.

Selective listening. it's what I do best.

elsewhere, the mind wanders. i see the happy couple walking hand-in-hand. window-shopping, store after store they'll stop and she'll point out excitedly into the displays. the girl takes in all the pretty shoes and purses and clothes; adding the coveted lares and penates to the ever-growing mental 'things-to-buy' list. He stares at her with adoration; fixated like her gaze into the displays.


the mind resurfaces a photograph. its one of my favorite pictures because I look so content and joyful. it's the one where I can tell you every detail in it because I know that moment so dearly. homemade lanterns dot the background like floating orbs; the shades of fiery orange sunset behind the subjects. the girl with her boyfriend and her bestfriend, two most important people in her life standing on either side. his arm protectively embrace her shoulder, their skin tanned and dark from the summer sun. he might've not been the best-looking, the tallest, the one with the fat wallet or nice car. in fact, it was none of that. however, the first thing you notice is their bright smiles. it's almost as if you can feel the warmth of her smile because its contagious, the tangible happiness.


at that moment, it was the perfect point in her life. the boyfriend that loves her wholeheartedly, the innocent thought of 'forever'. her bestfriend of years at her side. where the thoughts of growing old with the boyfriend and bestfriend was not just wishful thinking, it might be a possibility. summer was in full-swing and graduation was just weeks behind them. life was as awesome as it could be.


when did i start losing? all that joy now seems to be elusive. doubtful thoughts, ones that hover your mind; 'will I ever be as happy as I was in that snapshot of my life?" they float up in the most random moments. while driving, perhaps studying, or even drifting off to slumber.


I want all that back. the lanterns, the simple life. the honesty, the pure naivety.

secondhand serenade; fatalist dawning

some peoples self-esteem is based completely on whether they can make anonymous internet postings or not.


i just poured my heart and soul, the whole verbal diarrhea, typed until my index finger cramped, only to realize i'm too chickenshit to bare it all.instead;

pasted on a different aperture elsewhere on the interweb via an alias.


INSTEAD!!
eve will update with her latest shopaholic finds, current loves and favorite mistakes.

+ the lamb burger at splitz grill with hummous, to. die. for.
+ stella's taphouse on commercial, with a pint of stella artois to enjoy.

+ lime japanese cuisine, again on commercial.

[it pays to have the Boy situated on the drive]

+ i've spent two sundays test-driving cars at automalls. if an entry-level dream car is the accord coupe, my ultimate dream car is the R8.

+ if anyone ever told you grey's anatomy sucks, please pipe them in the gonads! i've caught up to the current season in five days. never have i turned down an offer to hang out just to watch tv! ohh denny duquette, if only all boys can be as charming as you are!

+ johnny cupcakes and i have a mutual friend! another trip to Boston perhaps?

+ i've gone from lusting over the CL550 to

being the co-pilot in a black one.


+ scored a vintage YSL dove grey leather jacket whilst vintage-hunting
+ kanyeezy never fails to put me in awe.



+ i am seriously considering a move to Seattle. the boutiques, craft/art fairs, culture, little chic diners are all a lure.
+ joshua introduced me to pinot gris. i aspire to be a quarter-wine connoisseur one day.
+ my talk-my-way-out-of-a [parking ticket, tow truck, fine] skill has clearly deteriorated. the excessive speeding has finally caught up to me. it would've been $900-something ticket. 104k in a 50k zone, i kinda deserve it.

+ the faja moved to shanghai for business half a year ago. i found a new pair of shoes in my trunk from him. normally, i wouldn't have a problem with it, especially when its from the BOD [bank-of-dad] problem?
A. im kicking myself for not discovering it earlier because i bought the SAME PAIR HALF A YEAR BACK. that's a paycheque i could've spent elsewhere!
B. reality slap of excessive, insane amount of clothing i own.
C. also self-realization that i really need to clean out the car. .. which leads to..

+ my car has become an extension of my wardrobe. at any given time, there are three pairs of shoes [flats, sneaks, AND heels]. two change of clothes [dressy and gym]. and as of last night.. six purses. the only passengers in the front and back seats are my shopping bags which i'm too afraid to bring home in case the maja catches them. OH! theres also a bottle of patron and fruit leather/rice chips too!



+ i have basically lived off the drive and main st for the past month. there are so many hidden gems within each neighbourhood. the vintage boutiques, local designers, indie restaurants, organic supermarkets are all a giant breather from the usual mass-produced generic McLifestyle.

+ burgoo is opening up a new location on main. emmenthal cheese fondue with apple and grapes!
+ check out elroy apparel. local designer with gorgeous sustainable pieces like the calluna bamboo jacket.
+ i finally gave in to the exotic skin trend and picked up a pair of genuine python flats. reptiles are one thing, but fur is a whole different story.
+ i'm having cramps for the first time in six years. it feels like death!! wahwahwah

fetal position with an electric blanket never felt so good.


+ i bought a hamster after learning they're nocturnal. cool! LIKE ME! pookie likes to shit in its food bowl and eat TP. punkass.
+ don't date someone who has 80-hour work weeks, and an immense love for his job = no time for you! boohoo.
+

pookie really shoves entire baby carrots into his mouth.

i don't know if it'll ever be enough.
the Boy is surpasses you by far, but why do sleepless nights float the mind back to you? i've become everything that only months ago, i've only read in fiction. miles away and you still have the ability to make me feel inadequate.



this whole charade of jokingly stating 'i'm a shopaholic' isn't quite funny anymore.
in fact, shopaholic would be an understatement. it's an illness, disorder even. nothing, not even the love of a significant other, gives me the high that purchasing does.