i started cleaning the bottom of my stairwell, you know.. the one place where i dump anything and everything.
i found lots of items that brings me back to my memories. though some better than others, its bittersweet. i found old notes from highschool from/to friends. a particular one was a note dating back to the moment you told me you had feelings for me. i was going out of my mind, deciding if i should take a chance because at the moment, you were my best friend. I wouldn't know if it would work or not, all i knew was that.. i wasnt ready to lose my best friend. i remember i cried in class because the pressure got to me. i know, silly thing to cry over. but at the time it felt like an enormous problem. i was totally caught off guard when you said 'i like you'. i laughed when i read this:
do you still like her?
what!? i told you, im over her!
--- 5 minutes later ---
E? I like you.
if only.
i had an immense urge to write you a letter, falsely hoping everything would be okay between us and we can be good friends again. i don't know if it will happen but i think about it all the time. the moment i dropped it in the mailbox, i thought 'oh shit'. I don't know what Im afraid of, but I'm so terrified of you judging me for some reason. I dont think I have ever gotten over that feeling, the one where I feel like an incompetant loser compared to people you know. Im afraid you will show it to her and have a good laugh over this. i am afraid we will never speak to each other again.
