she escapes to forget they were once together.

it hurted me when i told you i needed to cut you out of my life.
it was one of the hardest things to do.

every night on the way to my front doorstep, i look up for the big dipper. some nights, its there.
some nights..its not, and those nights feel longer than usual. those are the nights where i hug toto tighter, listen to our song a few times more, shed a few more tears.

everyone thinks its incredibly stupid that im leaving my own happiness up to you.

you are an addiction. something i cannot resist. you have no idea how good i feel when i speak to you. to hear your voice again, our past couple conversations...it felt like you were mind again. those couple hours were dedicated to me.

is it strange or desperate of me to think there was still something between us when i informed you about the flight tickets to hong kong? i know you still care for me. i know you dont love me the way i want you to anymore. i just want to know if you still love me. you dont even need to be IN love with me. i just want to know. its killing me deep inside.

if talking to you is wrong, why does it feel so right?
i cant talk to you anymore if i want to stop feeling like this. im going to relapse. my curiosity will get the best of me. at the moment of decision, the pleasure of hearing you would probably outweigh the pain. i'll convince myself its worth it. i miss you calling me 'my little dimsum'.

i play loops in my head, everyday. i should've been a better girlfriend. i should've listened. smartened up. if i was, you would never fall out of love with me.

im sorry i didnt do good enough. i tried to be perfect. i looked forward to hongkong all year. some days, i couldnt contain my excitement, my hope to see the look on your face when i tell you about the flight tickets.

i really wanted to show you hongkong. i wanted you to experience it with me. i wanted to show you everything. i wanted you to experience all the sights and sounds and taste. i looked forward to seeing your face light up, taking in everything. most of all, i wanted to explore something entirely new with you. it killed me that i would not be the one to live through that with you. my days are filled with 'should've beens, would've beens, could've beens'

im sorry im not perfect. im so sorry. i would anything for you to give me another chance. i dont care what you did. i just dont care. i love you so.

i miss your laughlines. im sorry i was being bossy in every aspect. im sorry i was so needy. if you gave me another chance, i promise i would change. im willing to change everything. i love you so much.

everyday, i keep telling myself..take it one day at a time. it WILL get better.
close to three months now, ive just been telling myself a lie. ITS NOT GETTING BETTER.
it still hurts as much as before. if not worse.



i will never love anyone as much as i do for you.
i dont care if you dont love me, i just want to be with you.


they say if you really love someone, you'll do anything to make them happy.
even if it means letting the person go, even if that means they're happy with someone else.

i aspire to be the perfect altruistic ex-girlfriend. im glad you're happier with her.
im sorry i cant give you as much happiness. im really really sorry i dissapointed you.